美文欣赏：好人卡

假如女性朋友们在给男同胞发“好人卡”时，把内心的真实想法都确实地说出来，会是什意思呢?那就是……咱们做恋人缘分不够，但可以一辈子做最好的朋友哦!

I really like you. I do. Youre so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I dont really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Dont you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

Were so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldnt want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup Ive got going here.

Its just…youre like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years youve spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I dont have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy Id call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldnt answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we dont even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? Ive known you so long, youre more like a brother that Ive drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. Itd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever youd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when Ive had a bad day at work, youd be looking at me like, "Ive seen her breasts." God, I cant think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. Id be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I dont see how much it crushes you. Lets never lose that. Thats what makes us us.

Dont worry. Youre so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. Youll find someone, I know it. And when you do, Ill be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and wont believe it when you say were just friends. But when she dumps you, thats just what well be.

Best friends. Friends forever.